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Pippin, Tyrion, Castiel, Tysha, Westeros, Crabgrass, Shuttle, Dahlia. I'm broken.

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  • Pippin, Tyrion, Castiel, Tysha, Westeros, Crabgrass, Shuttle, Dahlia. I'm broken.

    We have been having bad storms in WI. There was hail, torrential downpour, we hit record temps, and were up into the 70s this week. I was worried about tornadoes.

    What I didn't even think about, was my heater. Or the power going out. I have a space heater in the gecko room. Its the only room in the house that stays warm and comfortable all year round. I worked a 9 1/2 hour shift at work yesterday. The day before, I fed the geckos, misted everyone. Told Tyrion he needed to get his big-boy appetite back so that he'd be ready for his beautiful girls.

    When I opened the door to check on my incubator just after 4pm, it felt like I walked into a heatwave. My thermometer was reading 101 in the room, and 89F in the incubator. The incubator that is usually 69 degrees.

    I ripped open the window, my boyfriend hauled in a fan, and I started scrambling, looking into cages and pulling bins off the rack. The first one I spotted dead, was my oldest male Eurydactylodes, Crabgrass. Just below him, was Tonks' cage. She was crumpled in a corner covered in shed. Two legs were "tied" together with it, her hood was still on. I just broke.

    Reid and I moved them all out into the dining room, and I sprayed everyone's cages. Westeros passed in front of me. When I misted her, she gaped and went limp.

    The worst part of it, are the ones that I couldn't even try to save. Its a devastating blow.

    I lost Tyrion, who I picked out the moment he'd hatched, and picked up when he was 9 days old. He was my baby. I remember how many times I checked on him, when he was teeny. Making sure he was ok, he was still breathing. He was a beautiful, sweet gecko and I loved him dearly. He was my pride and joy. A culmination of so many people's hard work, he had lines that went back to Pins, Uno, Yelp and Lava. I was so excited to see what he would produce. I waited this season, even though he was the minimum weight early because I didn't want anything to happen to him from one of the bigger girls.

    Tysha was also gone. Sweet, sweet Tysha. She was always a good eater, she had such a hard year with her duds including the partho egg, and she hated to fire up for me. But I loved her half fired pinkness anyway. She had a marking in the shape of a heart on her side. If anything, it foretold what a great gecko she was. She was destined for Tyrion, so with her, an entire project died.

    Little Westeros, bright red and cream. She was about 8g. Her spot's name was King's Landing. I would look at her and just sigh. There was no doubt in my mind that when she grew up, she would be STUNNING. Drool worthy, a true knock out. She loved bugs. She'd hunt her paper towel most weeks, and I had to change hers so often because she'd make a minefield out of it.

    Castiel is gone too. He was my little savior gecko. I didn't know who I was going to pair with Cricket, and BAM out of nowhere there he was. He's named after an Angel, and he really lived up to his namesake. For a gecko that I didn't raise, he was calm, he often just went to sleep when I tried to take photos. He had a strong grip. He'd hold on SO tightly to my hand. He was Cricket's perfect match. Beautiful in every way, and I'm devastated by his loss.

    Little Crabgrass was named thusly, because he was a little old man waving a proverbial stick at me. Before he was paired up, to Catnip he'd run from me, swirl around his vines and stick, or just altogether ignore me. Once paired, he'd huff and puff over my hand, daring me to get closer to his girl. He was the first Agricolae Gary of Ridge and Valley ever produced. Beautiful, lime green.

    When I found Pippin I just howled. When I did my first swipe, he was sitting on the floor of his bin, resting his chin on a plant. I touched along his back and he felt normal. When I looked closer, he was really gone. The rigor set in, and held him upright. I had a hard time believing he was gone, when he was posed so normally. Pippin I got from someone getting out of the hobby. He wanted to sell only package deals, but I begged to buy just Pip. Pippin was a guaranteed female 12g juvie. The day I got him, I spotted pores with the naked eye, and a bulge dropping. But I didn't care, I loved him anyways. He was mac and cheese orange as a youngster. A true creamsicle, orange and white. One of holdbacks this year looks just like him. I'm glad of it, but it will haunt me to look at his son.

    Among the losses were two geckos that were not mine. Two dear friends had trusted me with their girls, on breeding loan. I knew what these geckos were worth to them, and what they were worth to me. Both were animals that I had just adored. I'd stalked them from afar, sent emails about, asking what breeder produced them, hoping to get look alikes. Both were offered to me on loan, and my jaw dropped both times. I got to HAVE both girls in my room? Got to see them in person, hold them, and pair them with one of MY boys? It was a dream come true.

    Shuttle belonged to Steph and Kevin Sadler. She was a gorgeous gem of a gecko and a big calm girl. She weighed 43g tailess, and I have a pic on my cell phone from two days ago, of her on the scale. Shuttle loved to eat. Most days I'd give her a portion and a half and she'd eat it all. To know that I would have to tell my friends that this beautiful, unique animal of theirs was gone, hurt so deeply. To have to reward my friend, for trusting me, with death is one of the worst things I've had to do. The photos I took of her, when she arrived do not do her justice. I never got the chance to take more.

    Dahlia, from Tara Bowling was also here on loan. Dahlia had only just arrived, and besides one interaction with her, I was letting her settle in. She was a crazy girl, both in looks and temperament. She weighed 55g and acted like a 10g juvie. She loved to leap, and fake me out. She'd lean one way, and BAM go the other. When I held her, and handwalked her she peeped at me. I could tell she was a real character, and I knew how much Tara LOVED her with her whole heart. During most of the ordeal, I was sobbing into the phone on a three way call, and I remember saying "HOW can I tell Tara? How can I DO this to her?" My heart shattered into so many pieces, for what this was going to do to sweet, loving Tara.

    Taking the geckos I lost, out of their bins was terrible. I don't wish this kind of pain on anyone. To see such beautiful animals, so broken, so lifeless and to know that they died in pain was almost too much for me. I cried hard enough yesterday that I vomited. I know what they mean about Grief Sickness now, heart sickness. Tonks, I saved for last, because she is literally, my heart gecko.

    When I reached in to get her, her little foot clung to my finger. She spend the night in a hosiptal bin, and this morning seems responsive. I cried this morning as I checked on my survivors. They seem strong, but I am still preparing myself to lose more. When you see the grief coming, its easier to steel yourself to it. I still can't believe Tonks lived. Is currently alive. I'm almost out of tears, I just dry sobbed this morning over everything.

    I lost so many sweet, unique, beautiful geckos. Each one I had handpicked, and searched for. Some I had raised for years. My season quite literally, just went up in smoke. I could run my head into a wall, for all of the times I complained about a gecko going male. I lost so many of my beautiful boys. The cornerstones to several projects and such special animals to me for their own reasons. The best way I can describe the feeling is that I used to have a complete puzzle. But someone kicked it now, and there are gaping holes all over it. When I look at some of my survivors, I see the ghosts of their mates, of their projects.

    My heart is shattered.
    on facebook

  • #2
    I am so terribly sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how horrible it was and still is; my heart goes out to you and your geckos. I hope the ones you still have continue to do well for you. I know I do not really know you except through this forum but if you need anything please feel free to pm me.
    1.0 Dog; 1.0 Leopard Gecko;10.5 Crested Geckos; 1.1Gargoyle Geckos; 1.3 Sarasinorum; 5.3.7PI Chahoua; 2.2 E. Agricolae; 1.1 Nuu Ana, 0.1 Isle E, 0.2 G. Marginata, 1.0 L. Williamsi And interested in a few others


    • #3
      Beautiful memorial . . . I am very, very sorry for your loss . . .
      3.4.5 Crested Geckos, 0.1 Nuu Ana Leachie, 3.5.1 Cats, 1.3 Dogs, 2.0 Rats, 0.1 Mildly Tolerant Partner


      • #4
        Meg I cannot imagine what you are going through, but just know you have a lot of people to support you through this. Our thoughts are with you all in your time of need and we are so sad to see this happen. We loved seeing your animals along with Tara's and the Sadler's and it is hard to know they are gone. As you know Tyrion was one of my favorites, I always loved seeing this guy grow. We will be keeping all of you in our thoughts and just know that time does help heal. Wishing you all the best and hoping the remaining geckos and eggs see a bright future. If you need anything, please do not hesitate to let us know.
        J.E.L Reptiles

        J.E.L Reptiles on Facebook
        My iHerp Page
        Fauna BOI Reviews


        • #5
          I'm so sorry for your loss Meg. I pray that your survivors continue to pull through.
 ~ RAW Reptiles on Facebook
          Ball Pythons ~ Hypo Jungle Boas ~ Bredlis ~ Carpet Pythons
          Crested Geckos ~ Chahouas ~ Leachies ~ Bearded Dragon


          • #6
            Meg, I am crying with you. You were so passionate about your animals and I cannot begin to imagine the heart ache you are feeling.

            You have so many beautiful animals left and you WILL get through this. We are all here for you, Tara and Steph & Kevin.

            Please keep us updated on the status of the survivors. I'm praying there are no more losses.

            Nautilus Reptiles on Facebook - iHerp


            • #7

              I can't say it enough, we here at Everyone's gecko are so sorry for your loss. If there is anything we can do please let us know.
              I hope the others stay strong and they all get to live the rest of their gecko lifes with such a wonderfull person like you.
              We'll keep you, Tara and the Sadlers in our minds and prayers.

              2.3.x C.Ciliatus; 1.2 M.Chahoua (Mainland); 1.2 E.Agricolae
              1.2 E.Macularius
              1.1 L.Steindachneri; 1.2 D.Granariensis. Granariensis


              • #8
                I am so sorry for your loss Meg

                I will be thinking of you and hoping you will not have any more losses. My heart breaks for you
                "I believe that education is all about being excited about something. Seeing passion and enthusiasm helps push an educational message."-Steve Irwin​


                • #9
                  I'm so sorry, Meg. It's obvious to anyone how much you love your gecko family and how deep your sorrow is.

                  I hope new geckos step up and occupy new places of joy in your life.

                  3.8.4 Rhacodactylus ciliatus
                  3.8.1 Rhacodactylus chahoua 'Pine Isle'
                  1 Big Dumb Yellow Lab

                  Jasper Sailfin Geckos on facebook


                  • #10
                    I don't know you personally, but I have read so many posts by you and have admired your little ones from afar. I can't imagine how you must feel and only end up crying when I try too hard. You're all in my thoughts and I hope everyone else recovers soon.


                    • #11

                      I am so sorry for your loss. I went through this with my snake room earlier this year and understand how much sorrow it causes to lose such loved ones. I wish the best for your survivors and your eggs yet to hatch. You and your geckos are in my thoughts.
                      Laura Sherrod
                      Sherrod Serpents



                      • #12
                        I'm sure I'm just echoing what everyone has said but I am so sickened and saddened by your loss. My heart goes out to you and Tara, and the Saddlers. Big hugs to each of you as you grieve the loss of these beautiful animals.



                        • #13
                          I'm very deeply sorry for the losses you, Tara, Steph and Kevin have faced.
                          Just keep in your mind, this isn't the end. We all know how strong you are, your spirit, your power to pummel through it all.
                          Rely on that strength now to keep yourself afloat, the sea of mourning is treacherous.
                          We will never forget those who were lost, they are stamped to our minds and our thoughts are with you all now more than ever.
                          We are all here to help in any which way we can.
                          "My Karma ran over your Dogma."

                          Ethereal Exotics on Facebook
                          Good Guy BOI


                          • #14
                            There are no words to express how my heart hurts for you, for Tara & for the Sadler's. What a tragedy to lose such gorgeous animals who meant so much to so many. I'm sending postive thoughts to you all & wishing a speedy recovery to those that survived. Keep your head up Meg, your beautiful friends will always be with you in spirit & though it's not the same as having them in your hands, they will always be in your heart.
                            4.1 Dogs: Baringer, Riesling, Trunks, Tebow & Dante 1.0 Sulcata: Cavin 1.1 KSB: Mordecei & P.B. 2.2.6 Gargoyles: Venture, Triana, LSP, Nyx, 21 & 24 0.2 Leopard Geckos: Videl & Eclipse 1. 0AFT: Rigby 7.7.19 Cresties: Ghost, Drayven, Morzan, Jelly, Esme, Peach, Marcelene, Ino, Chi, Haven, Tsunade, Senju, Cinna, Tribute, Jiraya, Iruka, Kurama, Seelie, Kushina, Tada & Iyrony 1.0 Short Tailed Opossum: Daubie


                            • #15
                              I read about this on Facebook last night and cried and I am crying now. I only "know" you from here and Facebook but I love reading your posts and seeing pictures of your beautiful geckos. I sincerely hope the survivors pull through and heal quickly. I am heartbroken for you and am sending you much strength and comfort.
                              Crested Geckos 3.2
                              Yorkie M
                              Siamese F
                              Twins (human, 9 yrs) F