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Thread: Father issues. I just need advice.

  1. #11
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    I give you all the best wishes and luck. All I can say is that it sounds like you are becoming the best person you can, instead of having you bad situation destroy you. I am very proud of you.

    Having had a rather verbally abuse dad, it is a abuse. In many ways worse the physical because there are no visible scars.

    My advice, keep up the therapy, go to allanon meeting if you can. I would suggest doing something else like volunteer work. Having done my share, it is really great for ones confidence because they really appreciate you and it will also get you out of the house more. Never mind you are helping out somebody or thing that really needs it. Hang out and surround your self with people who are good for you.
    Roxanne
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  2. #12
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    i'm terribly sorry to hear that you have to go through this. just because people have a child does not necessarily make them parents. unfortunately we cannot choose our family. it seems like your parents can't give you the support you need, and if they cannot see that they need to change then you'll have to find the support somewhere else. although my mom has always been there for me and supported me through everything in my life, she's 800 miles away and i never get to see her. but i have other people, like my boss and my friends who are willing to be there for me, and love me, and support me even though my mom cant. there will always be people out there who are willing to be that support for you. you might even be surprised to find mother and/ or father figures in the most unexpected places.

    we're all dealt crappy hands in life. you can either choose to let your bad experiences bring you down, and continue the cycle, or you can choose to learn from it and become a better person despite it. your life is in your hands, even if it doesn't always look that way. the best thing you can do is grow up to be an amazing, happy person and prove to them that you're better than they are, and worth more than they gave you credit for. it sounds like you're on the right track, and you don't want to be dragged down by them. just keep pushing forward, and when it gets hard, don't be afraid to turn to the people that are really there for you.
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  3. #13
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    Allie,

    You're not whiny, you're out of your depth and seeking shelter from the storm that is your parents and their abuse. Unfortunately, you can't change who they are, but like the proverbial storm, you can avoid them, avoid confrontations, and know that none of it is your fault. They clearly have issues of their own, but do not let the weight of your love for them give their words strength against you.

    When my dad goes on verbal rampages, I do subtle things to protect myself. I do not make eye contact, this gives a person a subconscious message: "What you're saying to me is not worth my time." I turn away my body, face another direction, stare out or sideways or anywhere but at him. I keep my mind off what he's saying, and think of happier things, like my animals, songs, accomplishments.. If he really hits a nerve I write it all down on paper, what he said, my thoughts and responses that I kept in check, and then I take the piece of paper and burn it. I don't know about you, but burning someone's verbal stupidity on paper always makes me feel better.

    That's another thing. What he's saying to you, telling you that you don't know what you're doing, that you're a bitch and not smart, it's all hot air. It doesn't mean a damn thing because it's nowhere near the truth. Obviously I don't need to point out that your animals are thriving with you, so you clearly know what you're doing. You're bright, witty, fun and full of spark. You're the life of the party and you're beautiful. You take excellent care of yourself and the ones you love, and it's a crying shame your family doesn't want to see the awesome person you are.

    Getting a little into the psychological realm, a person only accuses another person something he himself is guilty of, afraid of, or happens to be. They're the traits that a person hates about himself, so he takes it out on someone else. The words your dad spouts at you are the things he hates about himself, and it truly has nothing to do with you.

    Accept yourself and you give no one power over you. If you're unhappy with your weight, do something about it. If you like your weight where it's at, then you can(silently or verbally) tell them where they can stick their opinions. Me, I'm overweight, and will cheerfully tell people that yes, I am in shape, round is a shape! I'm comfortable with my weight and body shape, there are just as many advantages as disadvantages to either side of the scale. Because I am comfortable with myself the way I am, nobody can say "You're fat!" and hurt my feelings. I can reply, "You're a skinny shit and you look like the business end of a broom!" but that's just my snarky nature kicking in.

    Right now, I think you should buckle up for the rough ride, get your diploma, find yourself a job so you can support yourself, and get away from the toxic environment as quickly as you can. I would hold my opinions to myself until after I moved out around them, you don't have much longer that you absolutely must obey your parents anyways. Look into what friends you'd like being roommates with, ask them if they'd like to make tentative plans with you.

    Stay strong, keep moving forward, and know that no few members of pangea here love you for who you are(myself included!). We're here for you all the way, Allie.
    ~Rami | Nova Reptiles | iHerp | Facebook
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  4. #14
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    I am very happy to hear that you are seeing a therapist.Remember that you are not alone.Here is a website that I am a member of.I find it very helpful.
    recoveryourlife.com

  5. #15
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    aha Amber I love your attitude. always have! I thank you for your straightforward and great advice. I am so glad that you got out of that relationship with your dad, too. :\ I don't wish that on anyone.

    Roxanne, thank you, I have been trying my best. I'm getting less and less self-conscious and you all are helping so much. I actually am going to volunteer next week at a nature center (armand bayou) in Houston my stepdad lives there so my mom and I travel back and forth. it's working with kids C: I will love it, I love kids and teaching them about wildlife.

    Kelsey I promise I won't get dragged down by them. this thread has actually given me a lot of confidence, not only in that I now have experienced advice from many angles, but that people can relate although through unfortunate circumstances. I am very glad that your mom has been there for you and that you have other people to be there for you too! I have a few parental figures in my life, my therapist and a few others. I'll chin up and do everything that I can to make it through this. thank you.

    Rami... that meant a whole lot to me. I am totally serious, thank you. I told you that already, but... wow. Just wow. I'm speechless. that was a very sincere and tender-hearted post and it helped me to feel so good. I'm truly blessed to have friends and family here on pangea and elsewhere, and my boyfriend (ahah!) who listens to me and cares a lot. you all are like... a community that comes together not just for what this forum is originally about, and it's so cool. I love it and I feel at home.

    Kris, I will definitely check that out and I appreciate the link. that is awesome! I hadn't thought of joining a forum I'm glad you mentioned it.

    GAH I wish I could hug every single one of you right noooowwww, but a huge internet group-hug will have to suffice.
    1.0 Crested Gecko (Beauregard Monroe) 0.1 Ball Python (Queen Elizabeth) 0.1 Leos (Rusty) 0.1 Savannah Monitor (Panzer) 1.0 BCC (Perseus) 1.0 Albino burm (Banana) 1.0 Bearded Dragon (Sampson) 1.0 BTS (Neeson) 0.0.1 Leucistic GFP Axolotl (Momo-chan) 1.0 Asian Painted Frog/Chubby Frog (Mr. Bumble) 4.0 Rats, three furred, one hairless dumbo (Raisin, Plague, Fibonacci, Butterscotch) 1.0 Albino Hedgehog (Kensington) 0.2 Dwarf Hamsters (Socks, Doodle) 0.1 Dachshund (Cricket)

  6. #16
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    Ahh- gurrrl, I'll kick dem asses for you.

    But in all seriousness- you just need to stay strong- I know exactly what you're going through, you can message me any time you want. I'm always here, always being a grumpy ear. People will be people, you can't change stupid. And you're parents are being just that- prove them wrong!
    Ariel- 20/F/WA
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